I'm Back!

I've been back in California now for a week....and boy it has been busy! It was quite the ordeal getting back....I flew out of Minneapolis at 3:00pm, landed in Denver at 3:30pm, waited for my 5:30pm flight, which was delayed until 6:30 because they had to change the pilots seat, and was also overbooked, so I opted to fly on another flight to California that left at 9:30pm to get a free flight, it was delayed until 12am because two planes were broke....

But I made it, and now have a free flight to use before next April! Here's what I've been up to this week:

Tuesday: Got to my house from the airport at 2am, went to sleep at 3, woke up full of energy at 7. I cleaned, did laundry, and got organized. I met my friend and new classmate Colleen for Jamba Juice, then we went to class. Class got out early, so I went with Priscilla and Sarah to Pasadena to a leadership matrix conversation with Erwin McManus.

Wednesday: Slept in. Went on a long walk. Went to Colleen and Danny's new apartment in Pasadena, and ate lunch with Colleen and her brother-in-law Ben. We also walked on Colorado Blvd. in Pasadena, and went to 21 Choices, for frozen yogurt. Amazing place. We then went to class.

Thursday: I packed a lunch and went to sunset beach for a few hours. I returned home and Lena and I went grocery shopping for Friday's birthday party for Danny & Jason.

Friday: Colleen, Danny and Ben came over at 9am, I made them breakfast and we headed out for Disney! But...Disney was "blacked out" to our season passes, so we headed to Newport Beach and Balboa Island. We came back for the party, where my roommates and I made pesto pizza, pizookies, and strawberry cheesecake parfait! We had many guests, and it was so nice to see my Cali friends.

Saturday: I went to the Flower Festival in Carlsbad with the ladies from Mosaic. Sarah, Priscilla, Samantha and I rode together. The flower fields were gorgeous, and I had a great time taking pictures. After the flower fields, we went to the beach to relax, and it was much needed.

Sunday: Church! I was so excited to go back to my church. It was great to see everyone, and the message was on Brokenness, which was very fitting! After church, a few of us went out for lunch, then I headed to a sex trafficking rally.

Monday: Sick with a cold. Went for a walk, watched Chuck. Did pilates and went rollerblading with Priscilla.

Its great to be back, although its hard just talking to my parents on the phone and not being there in person. I've woken up a few times in California thinking I'm in Wisconsin, and that has been strange. I'm getting used to being back, and can't say enough how wonderful my friends are in California. It's really a wonderful place to be!

Pulled

I can't sleep. I'm trying to prepare my heart and mind for returning to California, but it's hard. Really hard.

I constantly feel pulled in two directions. I long to travel, to explore, to experience, to get out of my comfort zone. I long to fly. On the other hand, I long to be close to my family, to be connected to my small town, to be in a place where yes, everybody does know my name. I long to have roots. I feel a pretty much 50-50 to these two areas. Why? Why can't I just be one or the other?

I am excited for what California brings when I go back. I feel much more sure about going there than I did last August when moving. I have a community. I have incredible friends. I have a great and flexible job. I love my program. But my heart honestly breaks at leaving my parents. My whole life has changed. I have changed. California has changed. Where do I fit?

I sat on my bed just crying, and thought about the thousand other times I've cried in that bed for the 18 years I've had it. I thought, surely this time it is the worst. The situation is the worst. But no, there will always be something else, and that's life. And although I think things are hard now, I will be able to look back on this and know the growth that came from it. Just like I have with my other "break-downs" of break-ups, disappointments, fears, failures, and other trials. I can say with full confidence that God will use this, and will use me. He will provide. He will uplift me. He will renew me. He will restore my soul.

O LORD, please guard and guide my heart, for it is unsure, it is hurting. You know my heart, and I wait on you. Where You lead me, Lord, I will follow. I place my trust in You.

Psalm 28:6-8

⁶ Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.

⁷ The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.

⁸ The LORD is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.