Merry Christmas!

A photo shoot for one of my best friends who is in Thailand doing missions this Christmas! My family loves her bunches, and will even go to the lengths of dressing up to show her how much we care :)

I absolutely love Christmas. Everything about it... the tree, the decorations, the celebrations, the food, the music, the Hallmark movies, and spending time with my favorite people. And of course the reason we even have Christmas, because Christ came down because of His immense love for us! I'm so blessed to be able to be home with my family this Christmas, and am soaking in every moment.

I am definitely my mother's daughter (as much as I hate to admit it sometimes....especially with those phrases I catch myself saying!), but we really are so much alike. We both sometimes have trouble paying attention, say silly things, adore children, get competitive playing cards, and enjoy the Christmas activities mentioned above. Especially the Christmas movies & music. And we thoroughly enjoy watching & listening unseasonably early. We've been known to partake in Christmas media in the spring and summer, and the Christmas lights on the outside of N371 Fern Rd. are never taken down. Our absolute favorite Christmas tune is O Holy Night (especially by Celine Dion or Josh Groban), but this year I find myself pushing the repeat button on another song. It's a song called Eternal Gifts by Kate York. The lyrics say this:

Santa knows what I want for Christmas
But Jesus knows what I need
It can’t be purchased wrapped up and placed
Under an 8 foot tree

I need patience, kindness - virtues like these
To bend on my knee at the manger

Santa may bring these that last for a year
But eternal gifts come from the Savior

Some days come where I’m playing selfish
I can’t think of no one but me
Then I think of all that I’m blessed with
And that’s always best to give than to receive

I need faithfulness, love, generosity
To open my home to a stranger

Santa may bring things that last for a year
But eternal gifts come from the Savior

I think this song struck me so much because many times (okay, a lot of the time) I am selfish. I think of the different things I want, including, but not limited to an Ipod, new eye makeup, bike, digital SLR camera, a few international plane tickets, a few lost pounds, a job as a school counselor at the right school for me, a God-honoring relationship (I am neither desperate or searching, just wouldn't complain if God brought someone my way), and for my dad to be completely cancer-free and live a long life to walk me down the aisle and be a grandfather and all that jazz. There's a long list of both insignificant and significant things that I may want, but these are things that I may not need. The list of wants will not give me long term satisfaction or joy, will not complete me, will not make me a better person (no matter how hard I try to justify it!). What I can take comfort in is the fact that my Savior does know what I need (patience, kindness, faithfulness, love generosity, etc.), and will give me those things that I ask for... but not necessarily in the ways I might expect. Those virtues and fruits of the Spirit may come through struggles and failures, such as not being able to find a job, living a long-term single life, or through losing my father. In the big picture, those gifts of the Spirit are much more important than being able to listen to 160 GB's of commercial free music on my hour-long morning commute or having the fairytale romance of the century (thank you Hallmark channel...).

What I have been challenged by this Christmas is to think about the bigger picture. I just finished the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller and highly recommend it. In this book, the author talks about our lives as a story. In the movies, the character has to struggle and overcome adversary for us to be engaged. The character has to live a moving and dynamic life for us to even care about what happens. The same is true for us, life-changing events and difficult times do challenge us and change our stories to be more moving. I think of the real-life stories in the Bible, and wow, did they live dynamic lives. Miller has a chapter entitled "A Tree in a Story About a Forest", and this reminded me that although I am a part of the story, it's not all about me (I know, what a concept for an only child ;). It's not about what I want and the things I want to do, instead, it is about the qualities Jesus knows I need so that He can use me as part of His story. His story about love, forgiveness, justice, and peace. His story about loving His children so much that He came down to live and to die, so that we could know Him more. His story that will end in a victory one day, where I'm confident I won't care about losing those few pounds or riding that yellow beach cruiser.

Bigger picture is hard to look at, but I'm praying I can remember this everyday, instead of just on Jesus' birthday. I am praying that I can submit and surrender my wants and heart's desires at the feet of Jesus, and receive those eternal gifts and qualities I am so badly in need of. I am praying that I will continually trust in God to be the author of my story, and not try to control it myself. Thankfully He has given the promise of a new life with Him, and although I most likely won't get things on my perpetual want list, I will be able to sing Christmas hymns for all eternity!

the return of "the adventures of sheena!"

I'm back!

It was an incredibly busy fall, and some things had to give....the blog was one of them! Here's what I was up to:

September:

I started two new classes (Career Counseling & Intervention through Consultation), and continued substitute teaching for El Monte. Because of teacher cuts, there were a lot less jobs, but I was thankful for the few I got, and so so so happy to see the students again!

October:

I had the pleasure of being in my friend Amy & Noah's wedding. It was a blast, and such a blessing to see them tie the knot! They are very special people to me, and I was able to spend some time with other family & friends in Wisconsin & Minnesota.


I started the first 300 hours of my School Counseling Internship at a Jr. High in Duarte, CA. It was definitely a GOD-thing, starting from the way I stumbled upon the opportunity, to the staff and students at the school. I was worried about where to complete my hours, and in one of my classes, the professor told us a local Jr. High was needing an intern, so I volunteered right away, and a couple days later had the position. As soon as I went to the school, I knew it was a fit for me! The secretary was a Packer's fan, the School Counselor was a Jesus-lover, and I was getting to work with middle schoolers...my favorite!

I also subbed part-time, and definitely laughed every day by the comments made by students!

November:

Continued working at my internship and subbing as much as possible!

I finished my two classes, and started another one (Ethics & Leadership)! 13 classes down, 1 more to go!

My roommate and I threw a baby shower for our friend Priscilla who is expecting her first child in January!

I was able to go to Cambria, CA, with my friends Danny, Colleen, Amanda, and Dave. My friend Dave's parents have a beautiful house on the ocean, and we were able to stay with them for two days. We got to see elephant seals, go to a winery, and a fisherman's wharf. It was a great weekend of relaxing.

I had my first visitors since I've lived in California! My mom, Aunt Dianne, Aunt Dorothy, and cousin Haily came during the week of Thanksgiving. We kept very busy sightseeing, it was wonderful being able to show people my home! We went to the beaches, Santa Monica Pier, Malibu Winery, Pasadena, San Diego, Hollywood, and more!




December:

My roommates Grandma passed away, so we went to Patterson for her celebration service. That same weekend, my roommate Lena and I went to San Francisco and met my college friend Megan and Lena's family there! It was a great weekend of lots of food and walking!

I finished up my internship in Duarte, and completed many projects before flying home to Wisconsin for the Holidays!


Now with a return to a less busy life, I hope to have more of a balance. Many times this fall I forgot to breathe, or forgot how to breathe, and I certainly can't always live like that. I am now able to have some time of rest and reflection, and will hopefully blog a little bit more :)

67 years

is quite a long time. And that's the amount of years my Grandpa & Grandma Kuchta have been married! We helped them celebrate their anniversary today by building them a new deck. They were thrilled, and we had a fun time. I was happy to be behind the drill again :)

Happy Anniversary Grandpa & Grandma, you are certainly an inspiration!

In less than 1 week...

I'll be back here! These are some photos I took this summer before I flew back to California...

I'm thrilled to be flying home to be a part of Amy & Noah's wedding in Minneapolis, and also getting to spend a week with my family at home! I'm really excited about getting a little taste of fall, I'm definitely craving the colors, the crisp air, fourwheeling at the cabin, the food (mmm...chili, cornbread, honey crisp apples) and watching the Packers with my dad!

One for One

I got home from a long (well, not exactly long, but definitely exhausting) day of teaching Kindergarten, to these!

I've wanted TOMS for a couple years, just haven't gotten around to buying them. When you buy a pair of these shoes, they give one pair to a child in need, how great is that! Get your own at: http://www.tomsshoes.com/

Roughing It....City Girl Style!

10 girls. 1 boy allowed (Charlie, the beagle). Yaeger's cabin in Cornucopia, WI. Fresh air. Getting lost. Puzzle assembling. Skip-bo playing. French-press coffee. Gourmet crepes & french toast. Seasonal fruit. Walks on Lake Superior beaches. Magazine & book reading. Great story telling. Hike on the cliffs. Jumping photos. Amazing grilling. Good sleep. Canoeing to the caves. Driftwood collecting. Ferry to Madeline Island. Picnic lunch. Renting bikes. Yummy Wisconsin ice cream. Dawson's Creek/The Bachelor: Northwoods/Where the Waters Meet/Adult Scrabble Club photo shoot. Playing at beach side grounds. Eating at Maggies. Beach bonfire. S'mores with Reeses. Good conversations. Great Labor Day weekend!

After spending 3 days with these wonderful ladies, its tough to go back to the real world!

one year ago today....

I moved to California!

I really like to play the "where was I one year ago" game. In reflecting where I was last year at this time, I can't believe it was only a year ago I moved from the Midwest. I never would have imagined what God would do with my life this year, it definitely has been an adventure! I'm blessed beyond belief, and thankful for where God has placed me! It really was a step out in faith, and He provided for me in every way. We'll see where He has me next year at this time! I am just one lucky girl with these amazing parents :)

Last year:



This year:

sensing some themes in my life.....

adaptability. spontaneity. ability to successfully live out of a suitcase.

I know life rarely goes as planned. This summer didn't go as I thought it would. It's not a bad thing, just different. There have been many blessings, many incredible memories, and also many struggles. As I wrote in a post at the beginning of summer, I had made some goals. Well, didn't do so hot on all of them :). Instead of losing those 5 pesky pounds, I gained 10. Instead of finishing the 9 week devotional, I did 4 weeks and stopped. Instead of getting a head start on homework, and NOT procrastinating....well, I waited until the end to finish huge projects, resulting in 10 papers in 1 week and a lot of stress on my part.

There were some unexpected events that happened this summer, and I learned to just roll with them. God is my provider, my Jehovah Jireh, and I definitely leaned on Him. After I returned from my week in Wisconsin in June, my roommate Erin and I went for a 10 day adventure to her family's beach house. We changed our plans when her grandma became ill, and went to stay with her in the country instead. It was such a blessing to be there, to serve, to cook, to have great conversations with Grandma Flo, to spend that time with Erin and her family. It was unexpected, and I praised God for what He did with that week. A few days after returning, my dad's brain scan came back with new growth. I jumped on a plane three hours after hearing the news, and was with him for surgery and recovery. It was unexpected, but I praise God for His timing. After returning from this, I stayed with Lynda, my roommate Erin's mom for a few days as our air conditioning broke and Erin was in Portland and Lena was in Ethopia. It was a wonderful time to get homework done, and fellowship with Lynda, and stay cool in the 105 degree weather. It was also unexpected, and a blessing :)

I also fell in love with a family. I hung out with their girls (6, 9, & 11) once or twice a week, and it was absolutly a blessing from God. Not only did it help pay for groceries, it was a blast spending time with them, and becoming part of their family. We did things like have cannon ball contests in the pool, took turns reading aloud the American Girl books, played "American Idol", beauty contest, resturant, and other silly games. We went for bike rides, bowling, to the movies, to children's book stores and out for ice cream. We sat on the living room floor and had girl talk, played truth or dare, and laughed until the 9 year old, Bekah, would snort,. As I was driving away on my last day of hanging out with them, the 6 year old, Kristina, ran with my car and called out "I LOVE you Sheena!". Melted my heart.

I am so happy now to be in Wisconsin, resting and spending time with my incredible family and friends. It feels like I just got here, and I only have two weeks left until I'll be back to the busyness of California. It feels good to have more of a solid ground right now, as things were constantly moving this summer. It sometimes felt as if I was running, treading water, and constantly exhausted. I now feel like myself, at ease, and more laid back. Although I'm busy in Wisconsin this month, mostly because of dad's daily treatments, it is a different pace of life. I have now traded phone conversations for real ones with my closest friends and family, have traded text books for ones for fun, including Country Woman in the hospital radiaiton room, have traded my nice California tan for a farmers one while gardening and picking berries, and have been soaking in irreplacable moments....like fighting with my mom just because we need to get our sassyness out, and being held by my dad, there's no place like his arms. He took me on a long fourwheeler ride yesterday, and I just became overwhelmed in the moment. As we were riding, I knew that moment would pass by so quickly, and I want to remember everything about it, the way he drove and explained each piece of land to me as it went with his hunting stories, the way I could wrap my arms around him and feel safe, the way the breeze was, the sound of the trees, the peaceful feeling I had. I'm thankful for this month, and know it's where I'm supposed to be. I have no plans, am just living each moment, and am thankful for the things God has taught me in the last two months. I've grown, have been challenged, and I guess that's all I could hope for in a summer :)

a very merry half-birthday!

My friends took me to Sea World for my birthday present....and although it was approximately 7 months late, I was THRILLED! Who knew a killer whale could make a girl so happy? The last time I saw Shamu, I was 6 years old and in Florida. I gotta say, the whale ages well, especially for his daily commute between Orlando and San Diego. It was a fantastic day filled with some of my favorite California buddies, yummy Mexican food in Old Town San Diego, shopping at a craft fair, sea life, dolphin splashes, silly shows, and take-out at La Jolla beach during sunset. Although there were a few minor issues (gum on the bottom of my purse, ice cream bar falling on the ground, red streaks down my legs, and one blister), the day was amazing, and I gotta say once more how blessed I am to have such amazing friends!

Schools out for the summer, kids....

...but not for me! I started my 6 week intensive classes last week, and boy it has been rough....especially after a fantastic week in the Midwest. I guess I cannot complain, as I only have two classes, a nanny job one day a week, and get to do fun things like go to San Diego, the beach house, and Yosemite. AND then spend August in Wisconsin!

I have always loved summer, it is filled with my greatest memories. During the cold Wisconsin winters I would dream of my summer plans and goals, usually thinking I would start over on forgotten New Years resolutions. I always had good intentions to do things like not be as afraid of snakes, spend as many days at camp as I could, make giant sand castles, catch fish, and then in later years learn how to play guitar, learn how to drive stick, work out more, etc. This year is no different, as my summer goals are to have as much fun as I can while still studying, to explore California, make it through the whole Jillian Michaels workout, actually finish a Beth Moore devotional started 2 summers ago, start to paint, work on a photography project, and spend quality time with my friends and family.

I am thankful for this time I have to rest, do fun things, and also do classwork, before the busy-ness starts again in the fall. I am so blessed with the family I get to nanny for one day a week, they are incredible and so sent from God. They have 3 daughters (11, 9, 6), that are so sweet, unique, hilarious, and have already found their way into my heart. They have this amazing sense of adventure and we get to do fun things like make up cooking shows, play a Barbie board game, play in their yard with their dog Sam, and walk for ice cream. I love it. And my classes are pretty good so far. The one I'm taking in class is Sociocultural Issues in Counseling, a topic I love, as my minor was in Cross-cultural Studies. I'm excited for this class, and enjoy it as the professor is extremely quirky. AND, Colleen and I have it together, and get to giggle at his lame jokes. He already loves us, and has noticed we laugh at everything he says, which just encourages him all the more. My other class is an online one with a lot of work, so I'm thankful I'm taking it when I don't have THAT much going on in my life.

I know this summer is going to go fast, but I am so going to enjoy (hopefully) every minute of it!

Happy (late) Daddy's Day!

Wow, what to say about my daddy. I truly don't have words, I get choked up just thinking about him, but I will try. Saying he is an amazing man just doesn't cut it. I could not be more proud of who he is, and how God has worked in him and through him. It's that goose-bump, heart-raising, tears-in-eyes type pride I have for him that makes words not enough.

When I was little, I wanted to be just like my daddy. When he would get home from work, I would be ecstatic, and knew that I had his full attention. He could get me out of a bad mood like nobody's business, just by singing on the top of his lungs "I Will Follow You", or giving me a whisker rub or tickle torture. Yes, I was my daddy's girl. And I still am. I do want to be like him. I desire that strength. I want his ability to learn and succeed at everything. I want his gift of teaching.



At this time that I see my daddy go through the pain of cancer and treatments, the disease that has taken his body and parts of his mind, I have the peace and assurance that God is completely in all of this. He has used my dad as a vessel for His glory, and for that, I couldn't be more proud.

minnesota, meet california. california, meet minnesota.

This photo makes me smile...I love my friends!

I have to first say what incredible incredible people I have in my life. I know I say this over and over, and sound like a broken record, but it really is true. And, one of my favorite things is to introduce friends to each other! So, what better place for it to happen then at the Grand Canyon? I found out some of my bestest friends from Minneapolis were road tripping out to the Grand Canyon, and since it's only 6 1/2 hours from me (how crazy is that!), I knew I had to meet them there! So, my adventurous California buddies Danny & Colleen accompinied me to the great GC! And, it was incredible.

We took off early (ish) on Saturday morning, and were wondering how the weekend would go, after looking at the weather and seeing the 60% chance of thunderstorms all 3 days we would be there! It rained a little on the way there, which provided some fun shots, as well as an incredible sky and super green trees.


We got to the Grand Canyon area, and had to look for a camping site. Since it was Memorial Day weekend, of course everything was booked....so we camped in the National Forest for free! We set up our tents close to some others, then went to watch the sunset over the canyon. It was gorgeous, and we had fun climing around on the rocks (mom, don't worry, Colleen and I were safe...Danny on the other hand, we were worried about him).

We got back to our tents, and the people that were camping right next to us were there. We asked them if it was okay if we tented next to them, and they said no problem. They asked where we were from, to which we replied "California". We in turn asked where they were from, and they said "WISCONSIN"! I said no way, that is where I grew up, where are you all from? They were a college group from Stevens Point, how random! One of the guys asked where in Wisconsin I was from, and I told him it was close to Ladysmith....and guess what....he is from Ladysmith! I knew him from High School, we have some mutual friends. Small world, isn't it?

Sunday morning we woke up, packed up our stuff, and went hiking. I was so excited to be able to spend some time at the Grand Canyon, and I must say, the view from the top is beautiful, but the view from hiking down into the canyon is incredible! We had our lunch packed, our camel packs filled with water, and were ready to go. The way down was so much fun, but I was unsettled because I saw the look of pain and frustration on those that were on their way back up. We said "hello" all cheery to them, and they looked at us and said "enjoy the way down, that's the fun part!". I took all the photos on the way down, because I knew I would have to concentrate on the way back up :). On the way back up, I told Colleen how much I wanted a shower, and as I finished the sentance, the thunder cracked and it downpored! It rained most of the way back up, which was refreshing.

After our hike, we got some food, firewood, and went to my friends campsite! I was so excited for my friends to meet each other, I could hardly contain myself. I knew Danny and DK would hit it off, as they share the same birthday, the same name, both went to private schools and worked at Jewish Community Centers. We ate dinner and had S'mores over the fire, and laughed hystarrically at DK's blind dating stories.

Monday we woke up and walked around the Canyon, it was so much fun to just be in the presence of my Minnesota friends. We took some great photos, ate a picnic lunch, and enjoyed the view! It was a fabulous Memorial Day weekend, and I can't wait until I get to be reunited with them in August, and again in October for Amy & Noah's incredible wedding! And, my friends hit it off so much they are now Facebook friends :)

Love these girls!!!

today it was....

"Ms. B, you look just like the girl in 17 Again". (Said by two girls wearing Zac Efron t-shirts)

"Ms. B, you sound just like my mom". No sweetie, I sound like my mom :)

And this....was said with the teacher in the room....
Student: "Ms. B, can you be our teacher forever?"
Teacher: "You want Ms. B to finish out the year with you?"
All Students: "YES!"

Ouch. I think the poor teacher was ready to let me have her class, she was tired!

prom date?

I love being a substitute teacher. It's of course tough sometimes, because students like to act up with subs, but every day is different, and I hear the funniest things, I wish I could remember them all. It's been good to be back to work this month, and I'm sad school is ending soon. Here are some of the funny things that happen in my day:

Kindergarten:
- I had 35 students one day. And a fire drill. And one student wet their pants. Kindergarten is crazy.

- I had a girl walk up to me, look me up and down, and give me the thumbs up sign. She was the cutest chubbiest girl.

1st:
- Student: "Ms. B, are you from Mexico?"
Me: "No, I moved here from Wisconsin."
Student: "What language do they speak there?"
Me: "English."
Student: "English is your first language? You sound funny."

2nd:
- Student: "Have you always been that tall?"
Me: "Yes, even when I was in 2nd grade."
Student: "Really? No, I saw that wink, you are lying."

3rd:
- Student: "Ms. B, are we being bad?"
Me: "Well, we just need to make better choices"
Student: "GUYS, LETS MAKE BETTER CHOICES TODAY!"

4th:
- Student, after I stood up from chair..."Oh my God you are HUGE"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Student: "Oh, huge like tall, not fat. Sorry, your just really tall, it surprised me"

5th:
- Student (after watching the 5th grade boys "movie") "Ms. B, you are so lucky you didn't have to watch that. I learned too much. My eyes are burning"

-"Ms. B, you can't stop the movie, we're just getting to the epic part!"

-"Ms. B, are you married yet? Because Alex is in love with you".

6th:
- "Ms. B, can you please please please come watch our dodgeball tournament at lunch? I want you to cheer for our class!"

7th:
-"Ms. B, you are like the coolest teacher alive. Can you work here like full time?"

-Student: "Ms. B, how do you pronounce your last name?"
Me: "Its pronounced Baufman. The gh makes the f sound, like in laugh or cough"
Student: "Oh, are you German?"

8th:
-"Ms. B, your eyes are so green. They are the color of money".

-Student: (a young man) "Ms. B, I like your watch. How much did it cost?"
Me: "I don't know, I got it at Target"
Student: "Why didn't you get a more expensive watch, aren't you a millionaire?"
Me: "Do I look like a millionaire?"
Student: "Well yes, Ms. B, I thought all millionaires were gorgeous like you".

11th:
- I was at a wealthier school district for high school, and I have never seen so many skinny girls and designer purses. I felt frumpy.

- I had a student showing his nipple ring with the new glow in the dark ball to students when I turned off the lights to watch a movie. I had to tell him to put that thing away.

- I also had a 5 minute conversation with a girl about nose rings. She came back at the end of the day to talk to me about other things too. She was the only normal looking girl I saw all day (i.e. wasn't size 000, wasn't powdering her nose and applying mascara every 5 minutes, and didn't have any designer wear). She was real and beautiful, I'm glad she came and talked to me.

12th:
-Student: "Is it Ms. or Mrs.?"
Me: "It's Ms."
Student: "YESS, you aren't married yet"

-"Ms. Baughman, will you go to the prom with me on Saturday? I'm 18, so it isn't illegal".

-"Um, I don't know if this is weird or not, but Chip B. told me to tell you he's in love with you"

-I also got passed a note that said "Ms. Baughman, do you like me? Yes No Maybe, circle one and pass back".

Happy (late) Mothers Day Mom!

Oh, how I love this woman. She is amazing. I don't have all the words to describe her. This year, it took me forever to find a perfect card for her. I really struggled in Target. There were no cards that showed our relationship just right. Sure, there were the funny ones that I knew she would love, and the sappy ones that would make her cry, but none were just right. So I wrote a huge long card on my own....a sheena original :).

She is my best friend, my source of peeing my pants laughter, my confidant, my encourager, my challenger, the pain in my bottom at times, the voice in my head that tells me to take a jacket in the morning, my teacher, the one who inspires me, the one who can tell me like it is, and my hero. We share an incredible and unique bond, I couldn't be happier of the person God placed in my life. I could go on and on about how amazing she is, and how proud I am of her.... :)

Since I couldn't spoil my momma for mothers day, I was able to spoil 3 mothers at the McGee family beach house! Erin, Lena, & I went Friday night, and it was so refreshing to smell the sea air. We got out of the car and heard the sea lions, they welcomed us there! Lena left early in the morning to be with her momma, but Erin and I stayed until Sunday evening. I got to meet the celebrity Gramma Flo, and had a blast with Erin's family. Although the weather was cloudy and chilly, it was amazing. We watched dolphins, played frisbee and t-ball on the beach, and just hung out. Oh, and ate. We ate good. Our menu included apple fritters, chicken/cranberry/walnut salad, steak and chicken kabobs with grilled peppers/onions/mushrooms/pineapple, strawberry cheesecake parfait, banana walnut overnight french toast, mozerella sticks, bacon wrapped filet mignon, beer broiled brats, potatoes/onions, toast, asparagus, and peach crosiants.

I got to know Erin's fam a lot better at the beach house. I found out that her sister Jamie likes pranks. And one was unintentionally on me. :) It was supposed to be for Erin, but I walked into the trap before they could stop me. Jamie put a twisty tie on the sprayer in the kitchen sink....so as I turned on the water to wash my hands, I got soaked. I stood there in shock, and it took me awhile to figure out that I needed to turn off the water. After this, the game was on. My family is always full of pranks, and life at camp has prepared me for such instances as this. After going over the menu, I knew dessert was the perfect time for some retaliation. So, I froze mayonnaise. Which looks exactly like ice cream when frozen. Which went perfectly over the peach crossiant dessert. Jamie took a bite, while her husband Chris videotapped. And she tried to be so polite, and calmly asked me what kind of ice cream it was. I turned around the carton, and calmly said "Oh, its slow churned vanilla". Everyone else was savoring their dessert, and Jamie took another spoonful of only the crossiant. Erin then started laughing, and Jamie knew it wasn't right. We are now even, although I somehow think there are still more pranks to come!

It was a fantastic weekend at a fantastic place, and I'm thankful for all those in my California family! And, I will be able to spoil my mom in a month when I go to visit :)

to deceive

–verb (used with object)

1.	to mislead by a false appearance or statement; delude: They deceived the enemy by disguising the destroyer as a freighter.

2.	to be unfaithful to (one's spouse or lover).

3.	Archaic. to while away (time).

–verb (used without object)

4.	to mislead or falsely persuade others; practice deceit: an engaging manner that easily deceives.

I subbed a 7th & 8th grade lower English class yesterday. My students rotated in 25 minute blocks, with me, independently, and with an aide. With me, we went through some vocabulary worksheets, and had great conversations. One of the words was appropriate to the week I've had. to deceive.

The textbook gave such examples of deceive as as:

- "We're going to pull weeds today. It will be so much fun!" (actually, in my mom's case, this is not deceiving....she really does make it fun!)

- "If you don't forward this e-mail to 7 people, they will die"

- "Tell me your secret, I promise I won't tell a soul"

These are okay examples, but here are some better ones....straight from my own life this week....

- A woman leaves with her lover. Leaves her husband, her children, her grandchildren. Leaves a job at a business, where the owners have recently had tragedy. Doesn't tell to anyone's face, instead writes a note. Pretends for months, while planning, that everything is okay. Lies in the face of so many. And why? Because its "her turn" to be happy. Entitlement. To deceive.

- A man leaves his wife for another woman. They were married a year and a half. Out of the blue, he throws her out. She thought they were happy. To deceive.

- A guy uses a girl for money. She thought she knew him and his intentions. To deceive.

I am angry, I am sad. I hurt for the people in my life that I am close to, and the effect the "deceivers" have. I am upset that one person can cause so much damage in the lives of many. And do they realize it? That's the sad thing....they actually know what they are doing, what will happen, and do it anyway. The ripple effect even one choice has is overwhelming. To see my family and friends, and myself hurt is overwhelming. It's hard to see the good in humanity right now.

But it's there. Although there are multiple "tragedies" going on in my life right now (seriously, who said bad things happen in 3's? This year, its more like bad things happen in 8's...and it's only May!), I know there will be blessings. A lot of people do choose good. The way people have helped out my family has been good. The way people have been there for me has been good. And the ripple effect that has is also overwhelming. We have to look to find it, but it's there. And I know all things work for the good of those who love HIM and are called according to HIS purpose. Although there is a lot of darkness, God will do good through this. And I am called to have hope. I am called to love these "deceivers" even though I honestly would like to slap some sense into them (or punch some sense into them...). They are still God's children, and loved by Him. Oh Lord, please help me remember that :)

I'm Back!

I've been back in California now for a week....and boy it has been busy! It was quite the ordeal getting back....I flew out of Minneapolis at 3:00pm, landed in Denver at 3:30pm, waited for my 5:30pm flight, which was delayed until 6:30 because they had to change the pilots seat, and was also overbooked, so I opted to fly on another flight to California that left at 9:30pm to get a free flight, it was delayed until 12am because two planes were broke....

But I made it, and now have a free flight to use before next April! Here's what I've been up to this week:

Tuesday: Got to my house from the airport at 2am, went to sleep at 3, woke up full of energy at 7. I cleaned, did laundry, and got organized. I met my friend and new classmate Colleen for Jamba Juice, then we went to class. Class got out early, so I went with Priscilla and Sarah to Pasadena to a leadership matrix conversation with Erwin McManus.

Wednesday: Slept in. Went on a long walk. Went to Colleen and Danny's new apartment in Pasadena, and ate lunch with Colleen and her brother-in-law Ben. We also walked on Colorado Blvd. in Pasadena, and went to 21 Choices, for frozen yogurt. Amazing place. We then went to class.

Thursday: I packed a lunch and went to sunset beach for a few hours. I returned home and Lena and I went grocery shopping for Friday's birthday party for Danny & Jason.

Friday: Colleen, Danny and Ben came over at 9am, I made them breakfast and we headed out for Disney! But...Disney was "blacked out" to our season passes, so we headed to Newport Beach and Balboa Island. We came back for the party, where my roommates and I made pesto pizza, pizookies, and strawberry cheesecake parfait! We had many guests, and it was so nice to see my Cali friends.

Saturday: I went to the Flower Festival in Carlsbad with the ladies from Mosaic. Sarah, Priscilla, Samantha and I rode together. The flower fields were gorgeous, and I had a great time taking pictures. After the flower fields, we went to the beach to relax, and it was much needed.

Sunday: Church! I was so excited to go back to my church. It was great to see everyone, and the message was on Brokenness, which was very fitting! After church, a few of us went out for lunch, then I headed to a sex trafficking rally.

Monday: Sick with a cold. Went for a walk, watched Chuck. Did pilates and went rollerblading with Priscilla.

Its great to be back, although its hard just talking to my parents on the phone and not being there in person. I've woken up a few times in California thinking I'm in Wisconsin, and that has been strange. I'm getting used to being back, and can't say enough how wonderful my friends are in California. It's really a wonderful place to be!

Pulled

I can't sleep. I'm trying to prepare my heart and mind for returning to California, but it's hard. Really hard.

I constantly feel pulled in two directions. I long to travel, to explore, to experience, to get out of my comfort zone. I long to fly. On the other hand, I long to be close to my family, to be connected to my small town, to be in a place where yes, everybody does know my name. I long to have roots. I feel a pretty much 50-50 to these two areas. Why? Why can't I just be one or the other?

I am excited for what California brings when I go back. I feel much more sure about going there than I did last August when moving. I have a community. I have incredible friends. I have a great and flexible job. I love my program. But my heart honestly breaks at leaving my parents. My whole life has changed. I have changed. California has changed. Where do I fit?

I sat on my bed just crying, and thought about the thousand other times I've cried in that bed for the 18 years I've had it. I thought, surely this time it is the worst. The situation is the worst. But no, there will always be something else, and that's life. And although I think things are hard now, I will be able to look back on this and know the growth that came from it. Just like I have with my other "break-downs" of break-ups, disappointments, fears, failures, and other trials. I can say with full confidence that God will use this, and will use me. He will provide. He will uplift me. He will renew me. He will restore my soul.

O LORD, please guard and guide my heart, for it is unsure, it is hurting. You know my heart, and I wait on you. Where You lead me, Lord, I will follow. I place my trust in You.

Psalm 28:6-8

⁶ Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.

⁷ The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.

⁸ The LORD is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Woah...

It's been about 2 months since I've written....and I need to fix that! I may feel this way right now as I'm procrastinating on my counseling final action plan that is due in a few days..... :)

A lot has happened within the last two months. Here's a glimpse:

Dad started chemo and radiation. Drove 2.5 hours every day to treatments for 30 days. Sang in car with my parents to "I'll Fly Away" every morning. Homework. Lots of homework for online classes. Read the Shack out loud to my parents. Got used to living in Sheldon again. Visited the Twin Cities. Saw Tyrone Wells, Drew Holcomb, and Dave Barnes in Twin Cities. Ate at Pizza Luce multiple times. Celebrated with Amy & Noah on their engagement. Spent time with quality friends. Analyzed Educational Philosophy. Read whole Advanced Psych book (I never do this....). Took many walks with my mom. Walked on the river (on the ice). Started jogging on treadmill. Cooked. Cleaned. Shoveled lots of snow. Learned how to plow driveway with the tractor. Prayed with my parents every night. Spent a lot of time with kids. Loved being a part of Sheldon Church of Christ again. Shopped. Made 4 mixed CD's. Got addicted to iTunes. Got new glasses. Had a surgery. Reconnected with old friends. Made new friends. Made a necklace. Scanned old pictures. Read Wide Awake to parents. Memorized new Bible verses. Had a small group. Loved having Tati visit from Brazil, Danine visit from Colorado, and Erin & Lena visit from California. Roadtripped to Chicago and celebrated with Colleen & Danny. Celebrated the end of dad's first round of treatments. Explored the woods. Watched the ice go out of the river. Played in the mud. Cried a lot. Laughed a lot. Hugged a lot. Saw many turkeys, raccoons, birds and other fun wildlife. Made new recipes. Danced with my mom in the living room. Had family get togethers. Learned from professors and classmates. Learned from family and friends. Learned from God.

I'm going back to California in less than 2 weeks, and have mixed feelings. I am so excited to go back because I miss my friends and "new family" there, but I know leaving my family in Wisconsin will hurt my heart. I know I've changed. I've grown. I'm broken in some areas. I feel like I've aged many years in the last 4 months. I know that my life must go on, and it is in California now. But leaving here is going to be tough. I am SO glad I have an amazing community in California, and God has taken care of me this far, so why won't He continue to, right? :) I can honestly say, I couldn't have done this without my Lord.

With only two weeks left in Wisconsin, I still have much to do....including: finish final counseling action plan; go to Flambeau High School Musical; celebrate with Caramy & Bryce's bridal shower; see family; play piano in church; spend time my grandparents; read more to my parents; clean out the woods with mom; spend some time at the cabin; have deep & real conversations with my dad; see friends; get hugs from my 'little guy' Henry; play cards with my mom; pack; and prepare my heart for ending my time in Wisconsin, and beginning again in California. Life is not dull, it is such an adventure, and I'm so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. :)

Best Superbowl Party!

This year was the best Superbowl Party by far! My dad, mom & I sat watching the game. We had a great time just spending time together, mom and I learned a LOT more about football, and dad was in his glory teaching us! :)

Another Update!

It has been a month since the brain tumors were found. I think back to that day, and it feels like a year ago! I can't believe how much life has been lived in one month.

On January 4th, 2009, we got a fresh start. Just a few days earlier, my dad and I sat on our heat storage unit in our basement (one way we can warm up in the cold!), and I asked him "Daddy, what are you excited for this year?". I looked at the pain in his eyes, and he said "I honestly can't think of anything....how about you?". As a chatty daughter, I went on and on about the things I was excited for, and asked him "Aren't you excited for those things too?". He just looked tired, and gave me a half smile. This wasn't my father. It wasn't the man that throughout my whole life had been genuinely filled with excitement about the littlest things. This was a man that was tired. Exhaustion was written on his face, on all of his features. He was not looking forward to anything about 2009.

That all changed after January 4th. I just reminded him a few days ago about our conversation on January 1st. I asked him again "Daddy, now what are you excited for this year?". And the list went on and on, with light in his eyes instead of pain, with excitement in his voice instead of exhaustion. He has become a new man. He wakes up refreshed every morning, whereas before he would wake up because of intense pain. I can't tell you how amazing it is to see his cheery face so early in the morning (and throughout the whole day!). He has such a positive attitude, even though some could view this as the worst thing in the world. Even though he has been through much pain, and will continue to, it is God that defines him, and not his ailments. I am filled with so much love and pride for him as a daughter! I cried last night thinking about the overwhelming love I have for him, and God just said "Sheena, its not even CLOSE to my love for him!".

Dad spoke at Sheldon Church of Christ on Sunday, on some things he's learned in this last month. If you would like to hear the message, you can visit: http://www.sheldonchurch.com/sermon-archive. Dad also has a new blog, to post some of his older messages, as well as some new thoughts. If you would like to see the blog, it can be found at: http://kevinbaughman.blogspot.com/

We thank you so much for your prayers and support, the amazing comments you've left and cards you've sent. If it weren't for the wonderful community God has placed us in, this would be a much tougher circumstance!

Things to pray about:

- Dad starts treatments on Thursday, both radiation & chemo at the same time.

- Dad has finally been able to taste food, and this is such a blessing! Its hard to understand how something so simple can be SO valuable, and we'd like prayers for his taste and appetite during treatments.

- Dad still has double vision, although he's found when he tips his head way down, the images come together into one! We are praying for all the circuits to "weld" together again soon!

- We pray that the treatments zap this cancer, and that it will be completely gone! We know God is SO much bigger than cancer!

“My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.”
(Psalm 63:8)

caution: not for the weak kneed

My eye looks better! You can tell how awful it is if THIS is better! I'm just thankful its not AS painful as it has been the last couple days....and now....I'm just waiting for it to explode! :)

p.s. my blog background matches my eye perfectly!

ouch!

I returned to Wisconsin from a week in California on Saturday. I was able to finish up my classes and had an incredible time with my California friends! It was an amazing week, and I'm so blessed to have had the chance to get to know people out there.

Ouch #1: I returned to the frigid temps (and ouch, it hurts!), but my family makes it so worth it. When I got to my house, I felt so excited to see my dad. I ran downstairs to see him, and he stood up from his chair at the computer, and gave me a huge hug. He pulled me away and looked at my face, touched every part of it, and tears were in his eyes. He said 'Welcome Home Sheena, I am SO happy to see you, my heart feels so incredibly happy, and I've been waiting for you!'. He rubbed my cheek and pulled me close to give me another hug, and just told me how much he loves me and cares for me. He said he had been pacing all day, just waiting for me to arrive. He kept on saying to my mom, 'I think I hear her, please go check the door to see if she's arrived!'.

I've thought of this precious time all week, will wake up thinking of it. And as it's played through my mind over and over, all I can think of is my Heavenly Father, and how he waits to greet us into his loving embrace in Heaven. He paces and can't wait to say 'Welcome Home, I'm SO happy to see you, my heart feels so incredibly happy, and I've been waiting for you!'. What a homecoming that will be!

Ouch #2 is.....I have an extremely infected eye. And it hurts. Bad. Possibly the most pain I've been in. I got an infection in the same place when I was in South Africa in April, and this is much like it, but worse. When I wake up in the morning, I can't open my eye because it is so swollen, and a red-purplish color. The doctor gave me some antibiotic creme to put in my eye. I also was able to pick out new glasses, since the only ones I have are very old and I can't see out of them!

Ouch #3: I have been very attacked spiritually. I have dreams where I'm being attacked, but have someone close to me with me. I wake up with bruises on my arms, and just feeling down and heavy. Things are going great at home, and we're constantly having conversations with God, and Satan does not like it. So....the attacks are strong. But, I have a huge support network praying for me and my family! "Bad days" from pre-January 4th seem like a joke now! :) My family's new circumstances puts everything in perspective.

I'm thankful that God is the Great Physician, and heals this "ouches", whether it is here on earth, or in heaven!

I thought I was ready for '09....

I didn't realize when I was excited for 2009 that it could be this tough, right from the beginning. Last Sunday, I took my dad to the E.R., after he passed out in my arms, and they found he had two brain tumors. A whirlwind of a week later, they have removed both tumors, but found he has the most aggressive brain cancer, Glioblastoma.

In the uncertainty of life, I lean on Jesus. In the uncertainty of if/when I will return to California, I lean on Jesus. In the uncertainty of my father's life, I lean on Jesus. And I know He will get my family through this.

Here is the Caring Bridge website I set up for my Dad: www.caringbridge.org/visit/kevinbaughman

Happy 90th Grandma!

Wednesday night was my Grandma Baughman's 90th Birthday! I love her so much, and have such a special bond with her. She took care of me many times as a child, and I loved going to her house to spend time with her and Grandpa (and they only live a few miles away!). I have so many memories of playing at her house, cooking with her, watching cartoons she had, going camping with her and grandpa, listening to her records, and more. This summer I was able to spend a lot of time with her, having deep discussions, talking over pictures, and then road tripping to California. Even though I'm in California now, I still get to talk on the phone with her at least once a week! I was blessed to go out to eat with her tonight, and was blessed to be able to see her a few times while I was home for Christmas! Love you Grandma and I wish you MANY more years, and can't wait to spend time with you again!